


Grand Scheme Of Obscurity

by WiseTheWolf (Cervalces_Scotti)



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: 4th wall madness, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Character Study, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Dragons, Humor, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Looking At You Kyubey, Might Get Weird, Nihilism, Non-Human Humanoid Society, Or Grammar?, Other, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Philosophy-esque, Probably Already Is, Sarcasm, This Marks My Decent To Madness I Swear, What Even Is Spelling?, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, What is Dead May Never Die, Witches, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-08-06 07:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16384112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cervalces_Scotti/pseuds/WiseTheWolf
Summary: A magical girl is a thing beyond reason, even more so than human emotion itself. It shouldn't be surprising when they perform feats of near impossibility, yet in some ways, one can't help but be awed when a particularly interesting specimen is found





	1. Beginning Of A Thing...That's It...Just Read The Damn Short Story

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, wrote this impulse thing instead of sleeping
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Suggestions or Theories accepted in the Comments!

Vitani lost count of all the disappointments in and about what one would call ' life.' It was a chore at best, with no meaningful goal besides keeping up the birthrate until the sun killed them all. Really...that day, moments from death, was simultaneously the best and worst moment in this dragged out existential instance. Upside, she now had a job to keep her entertained. Downside, she had a job. At least she found humor in the whole ' dead end job ' thing, cause this whole shebang only ended in death or despair, usually both. What a time to be alive. Obvious sarcasm is obvious, right? Cue that fucking badass music.

(*Hello Kitty by Agril Lavigne Plays in the background, K-K-KAWAII!*)

Hell yeah.  
______________________________________________

Oh fire, a classic tragic scene it makes. Not too much, a bit here, maybe burning embers in the debris surrounding the accident. It wasn't a car accident, nor a giant collapsing building, but an orphanage. That also happened to be on fire at the moment. Was that an anticlimactic cliche? Well fuck your hopes, it's not your story!

Ahem, anyhow, it started with a very impulsive and ignorant girl, some other girl named Tiffany, a pack of cigarettes, and good ole curiosity. Now, I know what you may be thinking, but no, Vitani wasn't a smoker. Tiffany wasn't either, but Vitani was the one that stole them from one of the ' Sisters ' as they called themselves, also known as Nuns. It was only supposed to be a prank, something to pass the time in the long summer days. And being the oh so smart little munchkins they are, decided it would be great to just burn them all. Gotta love that lack of impulse control. The best way to get rid of temptation is to give in, but here at the orphanage they taught them that the fun, fastest, and easiest way doesn't make it right.

Obviously in this moment Vitani and Tiffany did not heed this advice. So, one stupid decision led to another, and the whole basement caught fire. Usually that sort of thing wouldn't be a problem because basements were usually supported with things like concrete or metals like steel. Unfortunately it seems like this design was more aesthetic than it was practical, those wooden support beams would soon come crashing down after crumbling under their own weight. The smoke would be choking, and the orphanage would soon collapse on top of them.

But then they heard a voice, "If you make a contract with me, I could get you out of here, and grant you a wish. Any wish you desire."

Even with death looming over Vitani's shoulder, she contemplated her answer. After all it could just be a hallucination brought on by the smoke and her dying brain offering her this last bit of solstice before the end. She also probably just killed most, if not all, of the people with in the orphanage. She would say Tiffany was alive at this moment, but she had passed out just after the mysterious voice spoke. At the age of 14, completely convinced that these would be her very last moments on this Earth, Vitani made her wish.

"Give me the power to turn into a fucking Dragon. Like from my fantasy novels...all magical and stuff..."

Seconds later there was a burning in her chest, she couldn't tell if it was from the heat of the flames itself, or the fact that she was suffocating.

"A contract has been made."  
______________________________________________

Waking up in the hospital had been a bit of a trip. As in literally tripping over anything in her way just trying to go to the damn bathroom.

"Want to try out those new powers today?" Inquired the...cat...dog...uh, stuffed animal that seemingly popped into existence in the corner of her vision as she washed her hands. Of course, being the sensible person Vitani was, responded, "Hell yeah possible sign of schizophrenia! Even if everyone I knew just died I think I'll give those a go."

"I go by Kyubey, not schizophrenia. And an accurate summary of the current events, though I don't understand the need for the sudden change in tone."

"You...you don't know what sarcasm is?"  
______________________________________________

Over time, Vitani and Kyubey gained a sort of...well, it was a relationship, but one that was very hard to define. Conversations were often filled with contemplating the futility of humans and sarcasm, the last part was always because of Vitani.

"Why do other Magical girls react so badly to the facts of what they had prayed for? It makes no sense, to wish for something and not expect something to counter such a miracle." They asked one day, apparently they had just told a small group of magical girls what happens once their wish is granted. They didn't take it very well.

"Hm, that's how humans are. Strange, contradicting, greedy...I won't say I'm not but jeez, you'd think people could at least understand the balance of it all. Besides, we're helping the universe or some shit, sacrificing such a small thing is actually a pretty sweet deal. Like trading 1 for 1 billion."

Kyubey cocked their head a bit at Vitani, "While that statement is true, then how can you understand it?"

Vitani shrugs, a fanged smirk dancing across her features, "Cause frankly my Incubator, I don't give a damn."

"That was a reference to that movie you made me watch, correct?" They asked, jumping to rest onto Vitani's shoulder.

"Look at you! You're getting more of my references every day...I'm almost in tears, if it weren't for my lack of soul."

"Was that another one?"

"Sharp as a tack you are Kyubey. I like you more then literally everyone on this planet if I'm being blunt."

Kyubey paused at that. Odd, for a creature filled to the brim with what Kyubey's kind knows as a mental disorder, this girl seems almost sane. Or perhaps Kyubey was having a touch of madness themselves? They decided to discard the thought for now.

What a time to be an Incubator.


	2. Social Ineptitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wo-hoo, more insomniac induced writing!
> 
> Enjoy!

______________________________________________________

"You are often alone Vitani, since humans are social creatures, I am curious as to why. Even if you are a magical girl, which defies reason, do you feel that need for connection?"

Vitani rolled the recently earned Grief Seed in her palm, "You ask me a lot of questions Kyubey, am I that entertaining?" She joked lightly, nudging the being with her other hand.

"You're a pleasant experience compared to most."

"I'm honored," She chuckled, answering the Incubator, "I'm not sure. I haven't since I became a magical girl, though not for a reason as simple as that. You're around enough, so I haven't really felt alone."

"What about other magical girls? Are you interested in meeting any?"

"I'd definitely want to see where it goes. Especially the newbies, call me sadistic but that look of realization once they finally figure out the whole Soul Gem thing is hilarious." Vitani gave Kyubey a curious look, "Want me to be a guinea pig or something?"

"I did have an idea. I've been trying to get a girl by the name of Madoka to become a magical girl. Her potential is phenomenal, though my efforts have been in vain, another magical girl has been interfering as well. An irregularity named Homura Akemi..."

Vitani pulled out her Soul Gem, a vibrant and fiery orange, thinking for a moment, "So...would you prefer them alive? That quota of yours isn't exactly a breeze since they've upped it over the past 20 years."

Kyubey sighed, "Preferably yes, alive. I simply wish to know what makes her an irregular. Would you happened to be interested in school as well?"

"Why not? Doesn't mean much in the face of eternity. Too bad I can just bust in there and destroy the building..."

"Quite so. I appreciate your assistance despite your hate for the flawed educational system."

"Mhm," Vitani grunted,"I can't promise I won't rough em' up a bit though. Might scare em' too..."  
______________________________________________

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHY THE HELL IS THIS THING A DRAGON?!" Sayaka screamed, just barely avoiding getting roasted by a jet of flames, "CAN WITCHES EVEN DO THAT?"

"Apparently they can!" Kyouko yelled back, spear twirling to disburse a fireball that also made it's way to her, "At this rate we'll--" the redhead was cut of as one of the massive limbs came down, smashing her to the floor and pinning her.

"Ugh," Kyouko's breath was knocked right out of her upon impact.

"Kyouko--!" Before Sayaka could run to her falled comrade, the tail whipped out from the beast, easily snatching Sayaka in it's crushing grip. If it weren't for the Soul Gem taking the damage, both would have been in a much worse world of hurt.

The dragon growled lowly, though it cut off every second or so in a strange manner, but it didn't take either of them long to realize it was laughing. It was fucking laughing...

"Okay, I'm done, phew, that was fun..."

It...IT SPOKE?!

Sure, demented laughter was something Witches did, even as they're being destroyed, but talk? Never in either of their experiences.

"What the...what the hell are you?!" Sayaka demanded, even in the likelihood of her death, she wanted a damn answer!

It only laughed again, "Hang on, give me a sec," right afterwards, a light engulfed it, and the crushing pressure from it's grip alleviated. Sayaka dropped from being suddenly released, but she managed to land on her feet. Thankfully Kyouko seemed relatively okay too, she immediately scrambled from the spot where the creature had kept her pinned.

Of all the things they expected, a girl was not one of them...or the very familiar Gem that gleamed from the center of their forehead. The grin they sported as a dragon remained, "Hey-o!"

"..."

"..."

Their grin quickly dropped to an annoyed frown, "What? Are you both mute now?" They found themselves quickly held at spear point, as well as having a sword at her throat, "Oh...well, good luck if you want to kill me. I've tried, it's hard."

"Vitani, are you done with your game now?"

"Huh?!" Kyouko cried in outrage, now pressing the spear just below the Gem, "A game? Kyubey, the hell are you talking about?!"

"I mean exactly what I said," Kyubey replied, trotting up to Vitani, "she wanted to play before meeting everyone. Her words, not mine."

"They're right." Vitani supplied.

"You're a fucking freak! What's wrong with you?!" Sayaka yelled, tempted to just run this ' Vitani ' with her sword. Though, she had a feeling it wouldn't work...

"Ya damn right I am. And there's too many things ' wrong with me ' by human standards to list. Anyway, my full name's Vitani Outfox, nice to meet you kids." She held out her hand, of course neither of them went for the handshake, "Tough crowd. Could you at least put down the weapons? Not that it would matter much, but I feel like it's keeping us from properly communicating."

Sayaka growled in frustration, "Stop being so--so nonchalant! It's pissing me off."

"Ah," Vitani sighed, "would you rather I turn back into the dragon?"

"Is that a threat?" Kyouko demanded.

"It wasn't a friendly invitation," Vitani countered, "Oh whatever. Here, I'll answer any questions you guys have, only of we can all agree to put up the magical girl get up. Agreed?"

Kyouko and Sayaka shared a look, before reluctantly agreeing, "Fine...don't pull anything or I'll kill you."

"Awesome. Anyhow, what do you guys want to know?"  
______________________________________________

They all ended up getting lunch together at a nearby restaurant for their talk. Vitani had to pay since she ' nearly killed them ' or whatever. But, at least they weren't all jumpy anymore. Well, Sayaka was a bit more cautious, but Kyoko seemed to be ecstatic at the mention of food.

"So wait, you wished to turn into a dragon? Why?"

Vitani held a fry out to Kyubey, who took it immediately,"I'd say the results speak for themselves."

"No kidding...but didn't you have anything else that you wanted? People to save or help?"

Vitani didn't hesitate, "Nope. I didn't care for anyone or anything, so I became a badass dragon."

"That's...really selfish."

Kyouko shrugged at Sayaka's response to Vitani, "The world isn't exactly rainbows and kittens. At least she made it count."

"Yeah, now I'm a practically immortal magical lizard at the mercy of a stuffed animal who's a fucking slave driver. What about you guys?"

They didn't respond at first, Kyubey chimed in, "You'll have to get used to her humor. Most humans are quite sensitive to it from what I've observed."

"Well..." Sayaka trailed off, "it's because it's so dark."

"Eh, not my worst. Anyhow, I'm going to be stalking your group from here on, just a heads up."

"What--why?!"

That grin, which was very quickly becoming infuriating, came back, "Part of the job kiddos."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wise One Out!

**Author's Note:**

> Wise One Out!


End file.
